M.I.T.

Are you a parent with children still at home? Bless you! Are you hanging in there? Each day is a challenge isn't it? Some days you want to hug 'em to death and other days you want to throttle them. Well, maybe you don't, but I do. If someone had told me exactly how hard parenting would be I am not sure I would have jumped in with both feet. But despite how difficult it can be sometimes, I would never trade it!

As I look around our community and the nation at large, I see so many broken homes. So many struggling parents. So many hurting kids. So many out of control kids! The level of disrespect and unkindness in kids is mind blowing. I often make the mistake of thinking that kids inside the church should be better. Truth is they are not.

A while back at one of the youth group meetings, Greg had planned for the teens to do some clean up outdoors after an event. Nothing too difficult, clean up some trash, put back some equipment. He told them this was their opportunity to "serve". The concept of serving, especially in the context of church, is huge. And one I thought was well understood. Jesus came to serve. The bible is filled with images of Jesus serving. We hear it over and over in church and Sunday School. This one is a no-brainer right? Well, let me finish the story. Josh got up from his seat and began to move the grill back to the garage. Kaleb got up and began to pick up trash. The rest of the kids sat there. Greg started to get on their case, prodding them to get up and serve! One of the teens chimed back that he wasn't anyone's slave. Gulp!! To them serving=slavery.

I don't tell this story to brag on my kids (though I was so proud of them!) but rather to show how far off base things have gotten. These were the regulars, at church and youth group. Most of them from families that have attended church for years. If they don't get it, how can we expect the world to get it?

At my new job I go into a lot of homes and I am continually saddened by what I see. Homes with 2 year olds and no toys in sight (but a 52" flat screen on the wall). Homes where the mom is threatening to drop her naughty child off at the Salvation Army like a sack of unwanted clothes. Homes where the kids are out of control yet the parents offer no discipline. Brokenness. Lack of love. Lack of knowledge. Lack of parents taking the responsibility of parenting seriously.

Whether in the church or out, it is clear to me the problem is not a little one anymore. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Training our children is the primary job we have as parents. Training is a non-stop job, from sun up to sun down, from birth to ..... job. That is the part they didn't tell you before you had kids. Some training happens naturally as our children observe us going to church, tithing, offering a kind word to another (and on the flip side, observing us being unkind, untrustworthy or unfaithful). But most of the training does not come naturally, we have to to be intentional.

Let's say that this morning I woke up and decided it was a good day to run the Boston Marathon. I showered, put on some jeans and a t-shirt, slid into my Birkenstocks and made my way to the starting line. You would call me a FOOL. Improper dress would be the least of my offenses. You can't run a marathon without training. And running to the mailbox somehow wouldn't cut it. The idea of running the Boston Marathon seems quite funny to me and though it is quite improbable it is not impossible. I could set a goal and work towards it everyday. I could build up from 1 mile to 5 to 26.2. With the right training and equipment I could one day be a runner in a marathon.

Parenting is not much different. We need to have a goal. We need to be intentional. We have to work at it every single day. And at the end of each day when we have done all these things, we need to be on our knees praying for our children. Praying that God will watch over them, that He will cover our mistakes and short comings because we will surely come up short.

We refer to our boys as M.I.T.-Men In Training. The goal: to have 2 boys that leave our home as men equipped for life, employment and marriage. Each day is a new opportunity for training. The school of parenting is like the school of life, the diploma won't come until we are called heavenward. There will be pop quizzes, some we will ace and some we will flunk BIG time. But we can not quit. We are by no means experts but God has impressed upon Greg and I that He desires us to share our journey, our successes and failures. So, as I have time and stories, I will post about this job of parenting. Will you be sitting at the desk that has your name on it???

Heartbroken

I wish we could rewind the last 48 hours. I want a mulligan, a do over. I want to take back the hurt and sorrow the last two days have brought. Unfortunately, my super powers are not so super. I don't even want to write it but here it goes...Daisy Mae is gone. I might feel a bit better if she had just run away but she is forever gone. We were just approaching the year mark of having her in our family and now instead of celebrating we are mourning.

I hadn't made plans for dinner on Thursday and the left overs were just not that appealing. I suggested we go to a place down the street for dinner. We put up the baby gate to confine Daisy to the family room like we always do when we leave her home alone. We scanned the room for stuff we didn't want chewed up. She wasn't really a big chewer but she did have a history of chewing on odd things like my cards, the boys' Nerf darts and pencils. Her chew toys were readily available. When we got home there were remnants of something on the floor. I was annoyed! What on earth was left for her to chew? Upon closer inspection, I discovered a few bits of a tube of cream that the dermatologist prescribed for Josh. It was on the end table and Daisy must have pulled it down, chewed it to bits and eaten the contents. All that remained was the cap and a few scraps of metal.

Now I was even more annoyed! The carpet was oily and I needed to go refill the cream before the pharmacy closed. I can't imagine it tasted good, what was she thinking? Don't answer that...she was a dog, I know! Dogs eat rocks and dead flies and worms and garbage and lots of stupid, inedible stuff! I asked the pharmacist about it and he informed me that the cream was quite corrosive, it was definitely not meant for consumption. I didn't have a good feeling about it and called Greg. He took her for a walk and by 10pm she was vomiting. I was glad to see it come back up and even more glad when Greg cleaned it up! Greg ended up staying up with her all night as she continued to get sick. By the morning she was unable to stand. We hoped it was due to dehydration.

The boys were clearly worried and Josh was feeling guilty that it was his cream that made her sick. But we made them board the school bus hoping to have better news when they got home. I rubbed Daisy's head and said a prayer over her before I left for work. Greg prepared to load her up in the Jeep so they could be at the vet's office when it opened. She started to have seizures. The vet gave her IV fluids hoping to flush things out. Hoping she would turn a corner. She never turned that corner and died shortly after lunch.

Can I just say how crappy this all is?! CRAPPY!!! First of all, I am MAD! Mad that I insisted we eat out, made that Josh left his cream out, mad at all those people who talked us into getting a dog in the first place and mad that the dog ate that stupid cream! But more than being mad, I am heartbroken. Daisy was Josh and Kaleb's buddy. She was Greg's great delight. She was THE dog for the Harp family. It is no secret that I wasn't so keen on getting a dog and truthfully, I complained about her a lot. She followed me everywhere. She poked me in the rear with her nose on a daily basis. She sat at my feet making it impossible to get up from the sofa without tripping. But I am heartbroken too. This was just not supposed to happen. If I wasn't a pastor's wife I would use a stronger word than crappy but it's all I've got.

When the boys returned from school we had to let them know the news. There were tears. There will probably be tears for awhile. We all need time to sort it all out.

A few hours ago I returned from the Women of Faith conference. I had made a commitment months ago to attend so despite the sadness, I went. It was a good distraction and offered time to reflect. Instead of remembering all the annoying things Daisy did, I thought of the good things. I thought of the joy she had brought. I thought of all the fun things Greg and the boys had taught her to do. I thought about how excited she always got at the sound of the Jeep pulling in the driveway. She delighted in us as well!

In a very crazy way, she reminded me of God. She gently loved on me, hoping to draw me in, but never in an obtrusive way. She would rather be with us than apart. She gently prodded me in the rear. I don't appreciate prodding from a dog or from God but sometimes I need it whether I like it or not. She didn't hold offenses against us and was always eager to see us. She delighted in us for no particular reason. Yes, we fed her, gave her affection and threw things for her to retrieve but she delighted in us beyond measure. Unconditional is the right word I think.

I am sad and at the same time grateful. We will miss our Daisy Mae.

First Day of School 2010

Yesterday was the first day of school for the boys. I am still in disbelief that Josh is now a high schooler! Kaleb is not far behind in 7th grade. Don't they look thrilled to pose for the annual first day of school photo?

There were only minor reports of getting lost, locker problems and teacher issues. After the first day there is always tons of homework for the parents, the boys think that is hysterical! They stop laughing on day 2 when they get all the assignments.

Poor Daisy is back to being home alone for good chunks of the day. We have secured a few more chew toys to keep her busy.

My new job is going well. There is a lot to the training and for now I am shadowing other coordinators when they go out for appointments. They keep telling me that it will all come together... about a year from now! Do you remember the Pixar film Finding Nemo? Dori kept singing "just keep swimming". Yep. That is me these days.

That's about it for us these days.

Just keep swimming....

The Harp Family is Alive and Well!

I guess all the thinking I did about blogging didn't actually do much good! I can't believe more than 2 months have gone by since I last was here. Like many of you, we have been extremely busy this summer. Here is an abbreviated update on our lives...

June

Greg traveled to North Carolina for his first 2 week session of doctoral work.

Kaleb finished 6th grade and made honor roll the 4th quarter! He worked so hard and it showed!

Josh finished 8th grade and now is moving on to high school. Oh my! I blinked and my baby is almost grown!

Both boys traveled with Mom and Dad to the Wood Turners Convention in Conn. They got to hang out with several Harp family members. Kaleb won his own lathe set up!!!!

Greg and the boys went to the Adirondacks for a week of canoeing with their Scout troop. Lots of good stories from that week, just ask them.

July

Attended Family Camp at Light House Christian Camp. Hottest week ever, we lost 5 lbs just in sweat!

Josh and Kaleb spent a week at Covenant Acres camp

Finally a week to rest.

Oma flew in from Germany, we picked her up from the Toronto airport

Spent our annual week at the cottage with Chris and his family. May be our last year for renting there. We had a great week, pictures are below. Thom, Mo, their kids, Mom and Dad camped near by so we had a chance to have a big family gathering.

Josh stayed behind with Chris to help them pack and prepare to move to their new house.

Kaleb went with a friend for a few days.

I did lots of canning of jams, salsa and sauce.

I tried out for a design team for a stamp company called Stampavie and was one of 5 new designers chosen from over 200 applicants!

August

Spent a few more days with my mom before returning her to the Toronto airport.

The boys spent more time with friends.

Greg worked hard on reading and writing papers.

I was offered a new job and have my first day on Monday. I will be working for the Niagara County Dept of Health as a Service Coordinator with the Early Intervention Program. Not sure yet what it all means but I am looking forward to it!

Phew! I think that covers the high lights of our summer. Here are some pics...

My mom and the boys before she left to go back to Germany.

Melissa and Logan going for a little ride. We eeked out every minute we could from the dying jet ski.

Here is the cottage we have rented for the last 5 summers. Small but perfect!

Of course there was fishing!

Kaleb water skied with his old Superman costume. What a riot!! His red cape was flapping in the wind as they buzzed the beach.

A group shot one night around the campfire. Mom looks like the wine was tasting good ;)

I am not sure we have ever had a busier summer than this one. Everyone seems to be ready for some routine again. I am sure I will eat those words very soon!

If you are still checking the blog out for updates, thanks for persevering! I will try hard not to let it go so long again.

Blessings and hugs!

I love This Kid!

On Sunday we went to Marshalls to buy Josh some shorts. He has outgrown most of his clothes and unfortunately the hand me down opportunities have dried up. While we were shopping, Kaleb found this hat he really liked. I wish I had a photo of it because it is hard to describe. It is a slick hat and definitely makes a fashion statement. Kaleb is usually all about blending in so his choice of this hat was rather surprising to me. But I agreed to buy it for him. That night we went for a walk and he was sportin' the new hat. On our walk we passed someone along the way. Here is our conversation...

Kaleb "They're looking at me"

me "maybe, so what?"

Kaleb "why does everyone look at me?"

me "maybe because you are a handsome fella"

Kaleb "Do you think they think my hat looks funny?"

me "Kaleb, first of all, you look very cool in that hat, secondly, I have news for you, the world does NOT revolve around you!"

Kaleb "That is really bad news Mom!"

OH. MY. ACHING SIDE! That kid totally cracks me up!

Yesterday was his last day of school which meant they gave out awards. With Greg out of town I thought it was important for me to go to support him. Teachers from each subject hand out awards for the best student, most improved student and a teachers choice. Kaleb has to work hard at school, it doesn't come quite as easy for him as is does for Joshua. He struggles a lot with math and math concepts. After he came just shy of making the honor roll the second quarter I challenged him to work on his math grade, figuring it would be the boost he needed to make it. He took the challenge very seriously and was able to raise his math grade considerably. He and I spent hours upon hours on his math homework over the last few months. He still missed the honor roll by a fraction of a point but we were so proud of him. Imagine how thrilled we all were when the math teacher presented him with the most improved student award!

It was a proud moment and I was so glad I was there to see it with my own eyes.

A Month in Pictures

As much as I may try, I am not Superwoman! We've been way too busy this last month to write about it! Here is a quick recap...

May 7th Greg and I celebrated 16 years of marriage. I was recovered enough from surgery to go out to the Olive Garden for lunch.

We have been doing the usual spring yard clean-up. It is nice to see things green again. While pulling weeds Greg happened upon this...

a nest of baby bunnies. They were so new their eyes were still shut. He covered them back up and that night momma bunny came and relocated everyone to a better pad. We counted 7 but think there may have been as many as 10-12.

Chris and Ethan came up for a few days of fishing. They caught several salmon. Here are the boys with their first catch. We enjoyed the fish for dinner the next night...mmm.

Over the Memorial Day weekend we took our new-to-us pop up camper to Lighthouse Christian Camp.

There was lots of this...

Notice the string Greg is holding? It was fastened to the tree so he could swing himself!

Josh actually slept in his hammock all weekend rather than inside with us. Can you say Boy Scout??

We ate the best donuts on the planet. They were fresh from the Amish market and I think we would have bathed in them if we could have, lol.

We are plotting when we might have them again.

On Sunday Greg flew down to Charlotte where he is now several days into his first session of his doctorate program. He is immersed in lots of reading and learning. Reality is setting in that we are in for a long road but we'll have to take it one day at a time.

That brings us to the latest, Josh celebrated his 14th birthday yesterday. One of the things on his wish list was a whole watermelon. So Kaleb gifted him one whole, seedless watermelon. He simply cut it in half and ate it with a spoon!

He said it was as good as he hoped it would be!

The boys are now just days away from finishing up school. We will soon have a high schooler in our house. Ack!! Double Ack!!

From now until the first week of August our calendar is jam packed. I hope to post before then but you know how it goes sometimes. We hope we have lots of fun stories to share!

Accessory-less

What comes to mind when you think of the word "accessory"? If you are a female perhaps you think of jewelry, handbags or any other kind of wardrobe enhancer. If you watch much Law & Order perhaps "accessory to murder" is your thought. I bet "accessory organ" wasn't the first thing to leap into your mind! That is what the doctor called my gallbladder a few weeks ago when he informed me it had to come out. Like somehow calling it an "accessory" would ease my mind, lol. How many accessory organs am I carrying around?? I already donated my tonsils when I was 10. Still have my appendix though. Greg is minus his appendix and his thyroid, another so called "accessory". The doctor was quick to contrast my "accessory" gallbladder to my "essential" heart. Phew, I was almost worried for a minute.

So, yesterday at 6am Greg drove me to the hospital to get de-accessorized. It took 3 nurses to get an IV in me which was probably the worst part of it all. Apparently I left my good veins at home. I asked the nurse if there was any way they could do some liposuction while they were in there. She didn't think it was funny. And the answer was a big NO. She must have been in a grumpy mood because she didn't think it was funny when I told her to make sure they didn't do any organ harvesting either...just the gallbladder. Sheesh!

The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room with blurry vision and nausea. That poor nurse tried her hardest to get me to wake up. She gave me ice chips, apple juice, graham crackers, kept telling me to take deep breaths and cough. I tried really hard but kept falling back to sleep. Every time I opened my eyes 20 minutes had gone by. I even tried to sing. I sang that little ditty "Jesus is the rock and he rolls my blues away, bop shoe bop". If you know it, then it is in your head now isn't it?! You're welcome. Another 20 minutes went by. She was determined to get me out of bed so I finally appeased her wishes and moved from the bed to the wheelchair. Where I proceeded to get so nauseous that I lost my guts. Boy what a mess! But I did feel better ;). After fixing me up she asked me if I wanted to go back to bed? Lady, make up your mind! I managed to get dressed and they were finally able to let Greg come back to see me. By noon we were pulling in the driveway. Yeah...6 hours start to finish. Isn't it amazing what they can do these days? My belly looks a bit like Swiss cheese but I feel really good. Much better than I anticipated. The doctor must have done a good job getting most of the gas out of me because I have had minimal pains. Haven't even touched any of the 40 Oxycodones they gave me. Are they trying to turn me into an addict?

Before surgery I asked about the possibility of seeing the stones they claimed I had. Sure enough, there were 5 stones, one of them almost a 1/2" big! The surgeon told Greg it was a good thing it came out because it was swollen and he could tell it had issues for some time. Apparently my body was compensating for it all this time because the attacks only started about 2 months ago. Boy am I glad I don't have to worry about another attack lurking in my future!

Now I get a few days to recover at home. I am liking the house all quiet and to myself. I promised Greg I would be a good patient so I am sticking to sitting at the computer, watching a bit of TV and hopefully finding time to stamp a card or two. I have lots of thank you cards to send after another very successful stamping event on Saturday. We had nearly 100 women from all over NY, PA, MA and Canada come for a day of stamping and fun. If you are interested in more about that adventure, I have posted some things on my inky-doodles blog (link is in the sidebar). The timing of the surgery worked out well, forced rest I think.

The rest of the fam is doing well. Greg is reading, reading, reading. His first session of school is coming up in June. Boys are doing well, looking forward to summer vacation.

I hope you and your accessories are doing well!