Saturday, October 9, 2010

Heartbroken

I wish we could rewind the last 48 hours. I want a mulligan, a do over. I want to take back the hurt and sorrow the last two days have brought. Unfortunately, my super powers are not so super. I don't even want to write it but here it goes...Daisy Mae is gone. I might feel a bit better if she had just run away but she is forever gone. We were just approaching the year mark of having her in our family and now instead of celebrating we are mourning.

I hadn't made plans for dinner on Thursday and the left overs were just not that appealing. I suggested we go to a place down the street for dinner. We put up the baby gate to confine Daisy to the family room like we always do when we leave her home alone. We scanned the room for stuff we didn't want chewed up. She wasn't really a big chewer but she did have a history of chewing on odd things like my cards, the boys' Nerf darts and pencils. Her chew toys were readily available. When we got home there were remnants of something on the floor. I was annoyed! What on earth was left for her to chew? Upon closer inspection, I discovered a few bits of a tube of cream that the dermatologist prescribed for Josh. It was on the end table and Daisy must have pulled it down, chewed it to bits and eaten the contents. All that remained was the cap and a few scraps of metal.

Now I was even more annoyed! The carpet was oily and I needed to go refill the cream before the pharmacy closed. I can't imagine it tasted good, what was she thinking? Don't answer that...she was a dog, I know! Dogs eat rocks and dead flies and worms and garbage and lots of stupid, inedible stuff! I asked the pharmacist about it and he informed me that the cream was quite corrosive, it was definitely not meant for consumption. I didn't have a good feeling about it and called Greg. He took her for a walk and by 10pm she was vomiting. I was glad to see it come back up and even more glad when Greg cleaned it up! Greg ended up staying up with her all night as she continued to get sick. By the morning she was unable to stand. We hoped it was due to dehydration.

The boys were clearly worried and Josh was feeling guilty that it was his cream that made her sick. But we made them board the school bus hoping to have better news when they got home. I rubbed Daisy's head and said a prayer over her before I left for work. Greg prepared to load her up in the Jeep so they could be at the vet's office when it opened. She started to have seizures. The vet gave her IV fluids hoping to flush things out. Hoping she would turn a corner. She never turned that corner and died shortly after lunch.

Can I just say how crappy this all is?! CRAPPY!!! First of all, I am MAD! Mad that I insisted we eat out, made that Josh left his cream out, mad at all those people who talked us into getting a dog in the first place and mad that the dog ate that stupid cream! But more than being mad, I am heartbroken. Daisy was Josh and Kaleb's buddy. She was Greg's great delight. She was THE dog for the Harp family. It is no secret that I wasn't so keen on getting a dog and truthfully, I complained about her a lot. She followed me everywhere. She poked me in the rear with her nose on a daily basis. She sat at my feet making it impossible to get up from the sofa without tripping. But I am heartbroken too. This was just not supposed to happen. If I wasn't a pastor's wife I would use a stronger word than crappy but it's all I've got.

When the boys returned from school we had to let them know the news. There were tears. There will probably be tears for awhile. We all need time to sort it all out.

A few hours ago I returned from the Women of Faith conference. I had made a commitment months ago to attend so despite the sadness, I went. It was a good distraction and offered time to reflect. Instead of remembering all the annoying things Daisy did, I thought of the good things. I thought of the joy she had brought. I thought of all the fun things Greg and the boys had taught her to do. I thought about how excited she always got at the sound of the Jeep pulling in the driveway. She delighted in us as well!

In a very crazy way, she reminded me of God. She gently loved on me, hoping to draw me in, but never in an obtrusive way. She would rather be with us than apart. She gently prodded me in the rear. I don't appreciate prodding from a dog or from God but sometimes I need it whether I like it or not. She didn't hold offenses against us and was always eager to see us. She delighted in us for no particular reason. Yes, we fed her, gave her affection and threw things for her to retrieve but she delighted in us beyond measure. Unconditional is the right word I think.

I am sad and at the same time grateful. We will miss our Daisy Mae.

14 comments:

Amy said...

Oh Tracy I just cried and cried reading this. I know your heartbreak (and your anger) all too well.
I loved your comparision to God at the end. I have always marveled at dogs unwavering, unconditional love. It is hard to deny their impact in our families and lives.
We will be praying for all of you as you begin the process of healing.


And now you know why we named our second dog Mulligan.

Teri said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss and your pain. My heart goes out to you and your family. I know how it hurts and I wish it wasn't to be. Sending you love .... xx

ChristineCreations said...

Oh Tracy...I was so hoping it would have turned out differently, I'm so sad for your family.

You wrote so beautifully and honestly about it too. Remembering your family my friend...

Tania Gould said...

This has brought tears to my eyes. From one stranger to another - big hugs. I'm so very sorry for your loss. But I'm so glad she had a family like you. Bless her little heart.

Country Mouse said...

I'm crying as I read this..I have 2 labs,Cash, our yellow lab, is 5...we rescued him 4 years ago. Some meany dumped him off at a gas station and sped away....he is THE most lovable dog, so sweet.
Our Chocolate lab, Holly, will be 2 on Saturday, we got her at 10 weeks, and like you, I was annoyed at all the chewing. She destroyed almost every pair of flip flops I owned. But she is my daily companion, my friend, and I love her so much. I'm so sorry for your loss, I pray God will give your family comfort and peace.

diane zechman said...

Tracy & family, I am so sorry that you are going through this! I will keep you all in prayer. It was no one's fault. I can only imagine how hard it was to say goodbye. You are such a kind and loving family...all I can think to say right now is the words my Pastor always uses to end his e-mails...
Grace to you and peace.

stampingcaz said...

so so sorry, I can understand all the emotions you are feeling. My little milo drives me nuts some days, but I love him so much.

Hugs to all
Cazx

Heidi Karpen said...

Tracy- I am so sorry for you, your family and for Daisy Mae- what a terrible ordeal! I pray for healing for your family, especially your boys, and peaceful rest for Daisy Mae. This is a tough one...

Jo Ann said...

this was too sad. i am not even a dog owner (though our DIL is a vet and has four or five *rescue* dogs). i know the Lord will comfort you in the days ahead, but it is still the most heartbreaking tale -
blessings, jo ann.

Unknown said...

Tracy, I'm so sorry, so sad. I pray you all will somehow get through this time and the pain will eventually lessen. I know how special Daisy was to Greg and the boys . . . certainly a tough time for you all now . . . I'll be praying for you guys, hugs for you all.

Lisa Silver said...

I'm so sorry about your sweet Daisy... it's never easy to lose a beloved pet. They have a way of becoming such integral parts of the family...

My thoughts and prayers are with you guys.

Hugs,
lise

Karen K. said...

Tracy - I feel your pain at the loss of part of your family. I was heartbroken too when both of my cats died as a result of something I did (or didn't do). I wish I had your words to sum up their effect on my life as you did for Daisy. I know she will be missed and remembered with love.

Holly said...

Ohhhhh...... the tears are just flowing right now. I am so sorry for your loss, Tracy. It hurts so much. I know what you mean about the chewing. My Daisy (yellow lab) is 1.5 yrs old and she has chewed up seven dog beds (and those ain't cheap), tons of chew toys, rocks, plastic rain gutters, plastic wading pool, etc... But I love that adorable puppy no matter what. She doesn't take away the pain and hurt of losing our first baby, but she gives us love and laughter.

May you and your family find some healing peace. Hugs and prayers, my friend.

Priscilla said...

I know I am 10 months late commenting on this post...and you probably won't ever see it. I am so sorry for your loss. Our dog, Sherman passed away just 4 days after yours did. I still miss him.

http://scillyspot.blogspot.com/2012/10/sad-day-for-us.html