Best of Intentions

I wish there was a direct line from my mind to this blog! I have "written" some pretty incredible stuff these last two months, too bad it never materialized so you could read it! I would tell you I am getting to it but then I would just be heaping guilt onto myself every time I think about what I didn't do.

So, here are some random things from our house...

**Greg has come and gone to session #2 of doctoral work in Charlotte. A trip to the ER (while out of town) turned up a very large, impassible kidney stone. He has now had 2 "surgical" procedures and has one more to go. He is a real trooper!

**Josh is anxiously waiting to find out if he will be accepted to the Student Conservation Association for this coming summer. If he is, he will be gone for a month long trip to who knows where, doing who knows what with who knows who. We're still thinking it's a good thing.

**Kaleb is now a hockey player. YIKES! I never thought I would see that day. He will be playing on the school's modified team and because ice time is so precious around these parts his practices won't start until mid March and games will be April-June. You know what that means? I get to freeze my butt off even in the summer, lol!

**My job is going well, but with a new governor who know if I will have a job for long. I am all for cutting spending, reducing our governmental overhead, balancing our state budget, cutting waste. I just hope I am not the "waste".

**Watching the news and reading the papers makes me depressed. Gas is going up, wars are breaking out everywhere, people are out of work, things cost more but incomes are shrinking. What is a girl to do? Especially when so much of it seems beyond my control. Well, pray for one. Second...coupon. I have become a bit obsessive of late with shopping sales, clipping coupons, looking for ways to save. I am all about free these days... free shampoo, free toothpaste, free food. This is one thing you may hear more about from me. If I can't keep the prices from rising and I can't make my income go up, then I will work the system to squeeze out what I can. The cool thing is that I have gotten so many free, or nearly free, items lately that I am giving the excess to others. I have a freebie basket on the counter and when it gets full it goes with me to work to share with my co-workers or the food pantry at church. Maybe someone else will be less crunched as a result. There are a few blogs that post great information on making the most of sales, check them out if you'd like.

http://www.commonsensewithmoney.com/

http://moneysavingmom.com/

http://www.couponsforyourfamily.com/

http://www.givemeneither.com/

**The dog is still a pain

**I am sick, no, make that SICK of winter! Greg and the boys do not share my sentiment.

**I miss my old friends more that anyone will ever know. There is a part of me that feels dead and I know it is due to the lack of girl time. That makes me so sad.

**Our oven is messed up so I can't even make cookies to feed my depression, lol.

**God is still God and He is still good!

That's all for now, the boys and I have gotta run to church.

I Survived!

Have you ever put off something for so long it became a bit ridiculous? Not that you intended to put whatever "it" is off for so long, it just happened. Well that was me with going to the dentist.

It started when I had 2 of my 3 wisdom teeth pulled. It was not a pleasant experience so I decided I would give my teeth a break. Our dentist at the time was very thorough and gentle, just the way you want a dentist. Except that he was so good that he kept himself in business by always having a "to do" list in your mouth. For many years we had no dental insurance so I "chose" not to go to the dentist to save money. Convenient.

Every month for the last 2 years I have been writing a check for dental insurance for the family. Greg and the boys have been making fabulous use of the service. At least someone was!

All my excuses were striped away but anxiety now replaced all the rational reasons to not visit the dentist. Tick. Tock. Time just keep marching on. How could I go after not going for so long? Totally rational right?! I suppose I should be truthful with you, just so you get the full picture. The last time I went to the dentist I was not yet a mom or even pregnant. Hmmm, Josh is 14 1/2, so I figure it's been about 16 years! {{GASP}} I KNOW!! What good mother faithfully makes her children go to the dentist and yet sets such a poor example for them? Fifty lashes with a wet noodle as my 7th grade math teacher, Mrs Smith, used to say.

IF I went to the dentist he would surely yell at me. I had visions of those rotting teeth photos they showed us in 6th grade health class. Do you remember the ones? The pictures of smokers who had cancer of the mouth, totally decayed teeth and bleeding gums. I think it was the scared straight program for dental hygiene! I had dreams of root canals and gum disease. I had created a monster in my mind. Funny how the imagination runs wild when it goes unchecked!

Pain. It was inevitable. I low, dull pain in the upper right side of my mouth. I knew I could not continue living a fantasy. I called the dentist and made an appointment for a cleaning. Gotta start somewhere, right? I thought a million times about cancelling but it did get me out of work 2 hours early. Thankfully work is so busy I didn't have time to think about it until it was time. Plus I had told Greg and the boys and they would surely ask me about it when I got home. I didn't want to compound "lame" mom with "wimp" mom.

When I made my appointment I begged the receptionist for a gentle and kind hygienist. I threatened her with ugliness, potential passing out. vomiting or hysteria. She agreed, at least I hoped she agreed rather than secretly throwing me to the dental wolves, lol. Please no Nurse Ratched!! I think they knew they had a nut case on their hands because they didn't let me linger in the waiting room. They left no time for me to flee. The poor dental hygienist assigned to my care was a much older woman. My first thought was this could go two ways. She could either be sweet and gentle or she could be one of those people who takes no guff. Sit. Behave. Deal! She caught on quickly that I had left one line blank on my new patient forms. The line that asks when you last visited the dentist. I really hoped it wouldn't come up.

She asks "three years?"

Nope.

Five?

Nope.

Ten???

Nope.

To put an end to her misery, I told her 15. Close enough.

She didn't yell. At least not out loud. She looked around my mouth and simply said, "well it's not a total dental disaster in there".

Whew!!

I asked her how long she had been doing this line of work. Just making small talk. She started in 1968! I told her that was the year I was born so we both knew how long it had been, lol. I promptly told her we didn't need to pursue that conversation any further.

So, I got the works, bite wing x-rays, full mouth scan, scrapping, polishing...

I knew the last step was for the dentist to come have a looksy. We love Dr Bonnevie, he's the boy's ortho. Great guy and for a spell his is filling in seeing "regular" dental patients until the new dentist is up and running. He pulled up my x-rays and walked me through everything. He totally held my hand. Not literally, but you know what I mean. He didn't even yell. There was need of a filling though. But no root canal. Just an $86 filling, after insurance. I was leaping for joy inside. He asked me how I was feeling now that it was all over. I told him I was convinced that 15 years of plaque was surely holding my teeth together and I was very glad to hear I didn't have a dental disaster. He just laughed! And he didn't give me a laundry list of things to be done. He rocks!!

I survived. It didn't kill me. I might even go back!

Oh the Dreams...

The dreams and hopes we have for our children begin when we first learn about the life we are carrying. We pray for our children to be healthy, that they will grow up to know and love the Lord, that they will have character and heart, that they will be able to safely navigate the world and all its challenges. But we don't know exactly what form or shape their lives will ultimately take. We pour ourselves into them as best as we can, we pray for God to protect them and then we watch the wonder unfold. What will they like? dislike? what strengths and weaknesses will they possess? what talents will God gift them with? The unknowns are so great! I often feel like being a parent is like riding a roller coaster, exhilarating and frightening at the same time and to be quite honest, I often find myself screaming at the top of my lungs to get off the dang ride!! But after it is all said and done I run to the end of the line to get on the ride over and over again.

My boys are fast becoming men and though I try not to blink, life is marching on anyway. When kids are younger they are by your side day and night. You know their comings and goings, what goes in and quite literally, what comes out, lol. But as they get older they are away from you more and more. They start becoming more independent with personalities all their own. They start deciding what they will eat and where they will go, who they will befriend and how they will spend their time. Joshua is well on the road to being his own person. More and more these days I am having flashes of my little blonde boy and wondering where did he go?

Although neither Greg or I fish, Joshua loves fishing!! He has caught some monster sized fish over the past few years.

For the second, or perhaps third year, he has gone duck hunting with my brother. You have never caught Greg or I in waders waist deep in a swamp! I can pretty much promise you that you will never catch me in waders waist deep in a swamp. Well, maybe for some really big money and 100% guarantee of no holes in my waders, lol. But Joshua loves it, even with an occasional hole.

And no one in our family, with the exception of my brother, has ever gotten a deer!! But Josh can tell you all about his adventure this past Thanksgiving when he took his FIRST shot at a deer and got it!! He even helped to gut it before taking it to the deer processor.

I seriously don't know where this kid came from some days! He was the only baby on the unit when he was born, so I know he IS mine and he looks too much like us for anyone to ever claim otherwise. Yet, he is definitely his own person. His favorite thing to wear is anything camouflage and I have to remind him there are other clothes in his closet! He does however, have my admiration. I have little to nothing to do with his love of hunting or fishing but he gets lots of high fives for his passion, skill and determination.

If we are ever hurting for food, I know who I will be calling upon!!

M.I.T.

Are you a parent with children still at home? Bless you! Are you hanging in there? Each day is a challenge isn't it? Some days you want to hug 'em to death and other days you want to throttle them. Well, maybe you don't, but I do. If someone had told me exactly how hard parenting would be I am not sure I would have jumped in with both feet. But despite how difficult it can be sometimes, I would never trade it!

As I look around our community and the nation at large, I see so many broken homes. So many struggling parents. So many hurting kids. So many out of control kids! The level of disrespect and unkindness in kids is mind blowing. I often make the mistake of thinking that kids inside the church should be better. Truth is they are not.

A while back at one of the youth group meetings, Greg had planned for the teens to do some clean up outdoors after an event. Nothing too difficult, clean up some trash, put back some equipment. He told them this was their opportunity to "serve". The concept of serving, especially in the context of church, is huge. And one I thought was well understood. Jesus came to serve. The bible is filled with images of Jesus serving. We hear it over and over in church and Sunday School. This one is a no-brainer right? Well, let me finish the story. Josh got up from his seat and began to move the grill back to the garage. Kaleb got up and began to pick up trash. The rest of the kids sat there. Greg started to get on their case, prodding them to get up and serve! One of the teens chimed back that he wasn't anyone's slave. Gulp!! To them serving=slavery.

I don't tell this story to brag on my kids (though I was so proud of them!) but rather to show how far off base things have gotten. These were the regulars, at church and youth group. Most of them from families that have attended church for years. If they don't get it, how can we expect the world to get it?

At my new job I go into a lot of homes and I am continually saddened by what I see. Homes with 2 year olds and no toys in sight (but a 52" flat screen on the wall). Homes where the mom is threatening to drop her naughty child off at the Salvation Army like a sack of unwanted clothes. Homes where the kids are out of control yet the parents offer no discipline. Brokenness. Lack of love. Lack of knowledge. Lack of parents taking the responsibility of parenting seriously.

Whether in the church or out, it is clear to me the problem is not a little one anymore. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Training our children is the primary job we have as parents. Training is a non-stop job, from sun up to sun down, from birth to ..... job. That is the part they didn't tell you before you had kids. Some training happens naturally as our children observe us going to church, tithing, offering a kind word to another (and on the flip side, observing us being unkind, untrustworthy or unfaithful). But most of the training does not come naturally, we have to to be intentional.

Let's say that this morning I woke up and decided it was a good day to run the Boston Marathon. I showered, put on some jeans and a t-shirt, slid into my Birkenstocks and made my way to the starting line. You would call me a FOOL. Improper dress would be the least of my offenses. You can't run a marathon without training. And running to the mailbox somehow wouldn't cut it. The idea of running the Boston Marathon seems quite funny to me and though it is quite improbable it is not impossible. I could set a goal and work towards it everyday. I could build up from 1 mile to 5 to 26.2. With the right training and equipment I could one day be a runner in a marathon.

Parenting is not much different. We need to have a goal. We need to be intentional. We have to work at it every single day. And at the end of each day when we have done all these things, we need to be on our knees praying for our children. Praying that God will watch over them, that He will cover our mistakes and short comings because we will surely come up short.

We refer to our boys as M.I.T.-Men In Training. The goal: to have 2 boys that leave our home as men equipped for life, employment and marriage. Each day is a new opportunity for training. The school of parenting is like the school of life, the diploma won't come until we are called heavenward. There will be pop quizzes, some we will ace and some we will flunk BIG time. But we can not quit. We are by no means experts but God has impressed upon Greg and I that He desires us to share our journey, our successes and failures. So, as I have time and stories, I will post about this job of parenting. Will you be sitting at the desk that has your name on it???

Heartbroken

I wish we could rewind the last 48 hours. I want a mulligan, a do over. I want to take back the hurt and sorrow the last two days have brought. Unfortunately, my super powers are not so super. I don't even want to write it but here it goes...Daisy Mae is gone. I might feel a bit better if she had just run away but she is forever gone. We were just approaching the year mark of having her in our family and now instead of celebrating we are mourning.

I hadn't made plans for dinner on Thursday and the left overs were just not that appealing. I suggested we go to a place down the street for dinner. We put up the baby gate to confine Daisy to the family room like we always do when we leave her home alone. We scanned the room for stuff we didn't want chewed up. She wasn't really a big chewer but she did have a history of chewing on odd things like my cards, the boys' Nerf darts and pencils. Her chew toys were readily available. When we got home there were remnants of something on the floor. I was annoyed! What on earth was left for her to chew? Upon closer inspection, I discovered a few bits of a tube of cream that the dermatologist prescribed for Josh. It was on the end table and Daisy must have pulled it down, chewed it to bits and eaten the contents. All that remained was the cap and a few scraps of metal.

Now I was even more annoyed! The carpet was oily and I needed to go refill the cream before the pharmacy closed. I can't imagine it tasted good, what was she thinking? Don't answer that...she was a dog, I know! Dogs eat rocks and dead flies and worms and garbage and lots of stupid, inedible stuff! I asked the pharmacist about it and he informed me that the cream was quite corrosive, it was definitely not meant for consumption. I didn't have a good feeling about it and called Greg. He took her for a walk and by 10pm she was vomiting. I was glad to see it come back up and even more glad when Greg cleaned it up! Greg ended up staying up with her all night as she continued to get sick. By the morning she was unable to stand. We hoped it was due to dehydration.

The boys were clearly worried and Josh was feeling guilty that it was his cream that made her sick. But we made them board the school bus hoping to have better news when they got home. I rubbed Daisy's head and said a prayer over her before I left for work. Greg prepared to load her up in the Jeep so they could be at the vet's office when it opened. She started to have seizures. The vet gave her IV fluids hoping to flush things out. Hoping she would turn a corner. She never turned that corner and died shortly after lunch.

Can I just say how crappy this all is?! CRAPPY!!! First of all, I am MAD! Mad that I insisted we eat out, made that Josh left his cream out, mad at all those people who talked us into getting a dog in the first place and mad that the dog ate that stupid cream! But more than being mad, I am heartbroken. Daisy was Josh and Kaleb's buddy. She was Greg's great delight. She was THE dog for the Harp family. It is no secret that I wasn't so keen on getting a dog and truthfully, I complained about her a lot. She followed me everywhere. She poked me in the rear with her nose on a daily basis. She sat at my feet making it impossible to get up from the sofa without tripping. But I am heartbroken too. This was just not supposed to happen. If I wasn't a pastor's wife I would use a stronger word than crappy but it's all I've got.

When the boys returned from school we had to let them know the news. There were tears. There will probably be tears for awhile. We all need time to sort it all out.

A few hours ago I returned from the Women of Faith conference. I had made a commitment months ago to attend so despite the sadness, I went. It was a good distraction and offered time to reflect. Instead of remembering all the annoying things Daisy did, I thought of the good things. I thought of the joy she had brought. I thought of all the fun things Greg and the boys had taught her to do. I thought about how excited she always got at the sound of the Jeep pulling in the driveway. She delighted in us as well!

In a very crazy way, she reminded me of God. She gently loved on me, hoping to draw me in, but never in an obtrusive way. She would rather be with us than apart. She gently prodded me in the rear. I don't appreciate prodding from a dog or from God but sometimes I need it whether I like it or not. She didn't hold offenses against us and was always eager to see us. She delighted in us for no particular reason. Yes, we fed her, gave her affection and threw things for her to retrieve but she delighted in us beyond measure. Unconditional is the right word I think.

I am sad and at the same time grateful. We will miss our Daisy Mae.

First Day of School 2010

Yesterday was the first day of school for the boys. I am still in disbelief that Josh is now a high schooler! Kaleb is not far behind in 7th grade. Don't they look thrilled to pose for the annual first day of school photo?

There were only minor reports of getting lost, locker problems and teacher issues. After the first day there is always tons of homework for the parents, the boys think that is hysterical! They stop laughing on day 2 when they get all the assignments.

Poor Daisy is back to being home alone for good chunks of the day. We have secured a few more chew toys to keep her busy.

My new job is going well. There is a lot to the training and for now I am shadowing other coordinators when they go out for appointments. They keep telling me that it will all come together... about a year from now! Do you remember the Pixar film Finding Nemo? Dori kept singing "just keep swimming". Yep. That is me these days.

That's about it for us these days.

Just keep swimming....

The Harp Family is Alive and Well!

I guess all the thinking I did about blogging didn't actually do much good! I can't believe more than 2 months have gone by since I last was here. Like many of you, we have been extremely busy this summer. Here is an abbreviated update on our lives...

June

Greg traveled to North Carolina for his first 2 week session of doctoral work.

Kaleb finished 6th grade and made honor roll the 4th quarter! He worked so hard and it showed!

Josh finished 8th grade and now is moving on to high school. Oh my! I blinked and my baby is almost grown!

Both boys traveled with Mom and Dad to the Wood Turners Convention in Conn. They got to hang out with several Harp family members. Kaleb won his own lathe set up!!!!

Greg and the boys went to the Adirondacks for a week of canoeing with their Scout troop. Lots of good stories from that week, just ask them.

July

Attended Family Camp at Light House Christian Camp. Hottest week ever, we lost 5 lbs just in sweat!

Josh and Kaleb spent a week at Covenant Acres camp

Finally a week to rest.

Oma flew in from Germany, we picked her up from the Toronto airport

Spent our annual week at the cottage with Chris and his family. May be our last year for renting there. We had a great week, pictures are below. Thom, Mo, their kids, Mom and Dad camped near by so we had a chance to have a big family gathering.

Josh stayed behind with Chris to help them pack and prepare to move to their new house.

Kaleb went with a friend for a few days.

I did lots of canning of jams, salsa and sauce.

I tried out for a design team for a stamp company called Stampavie and was one of 5 new designers chosen from over 200 applicants!

August

Spent a few more days with my mom before returning her to the Toronto airport.

The boys spent more time with friends.

Greg worked hard on reading and writing papers.

I was offered a new job and have my first day on Monday. I will be working for the Niagara County Dept of Health as a Service Coordinator with the Early Intervention Program. Not sure yet what it all means but I am looking forward to it!

Phew! I think that covers the high lights of our summer. Here are some pics...

My mom and the boys before she left to go back to Germany.

Melissa and Logan going for a little ride. We eeked out every minute we could from the dying jet ski.

Here is the cottage we have rented for the last 5 summers. Small but perfect!

Of course there was fishing!

Kaleb water skied with his old Superman costume. What a riot!! His red cape was flapping in the wind as they buzzed the beach.

A group shot one night around the campfire. Mom looks like the wine was tasting good ;)

I am not sure we have ever had a busier summer than this one. Everyone seems to be ready for some routine again. I am sure I will eat those words very soon!

If you are still checking the blog out for updates, thanks for persevering! I will try hard not to let it go so long again.

Blessings and hugs!