Warning! Heavy Load Up Ahead

At church, Pastor Bill is preaching a sermon series entitled "Humbug to Hallelujah". He is using the Dickens classic novel to weave in the Christmas message. He will often ask as he is preaching, "Can I tell you something?" (like we have a choice, lol!!), I too just have to say....I have been bitten by the humbug this year!! It is really rather ugly. I don't want to decorate, and haven't, I don't want to bake, and haven't (gasp!!), shop or anything else that I normally do this time of year. I want to get under the covers and come back out with the groundhog. That will be perfect timing 'cause then I can skip right over turning 41 too!

To add to the foulness of my attitude is the guilt I have about my foulness of attitude. How can a believer, let alone a pastor's wife, not be full of joy during the season of celebrating the birth of Christ??? It really is too much for one person to bear. Those of you that know me, know this is said in humor but also truth. It is a trial that is seeking to over take me.

Why?? I have been asking that question a lot lately. Partly it is the end of year garbage that I hate and wish didn't coincide with the time of Christmas. Like budget talks at church, dealing with health care insurance issues, finances, taxes around the corner. There's a theme building there, can you tell?? There is the raw truth that the easiest way to attack me and my sense of peace is to throw a bunch of money matters at me. Especially when I have gifts to buy. Last week I was making phone calls trying to take care of health insurance stuff and find a way to get orthodontic care for the boys. Someone suggested we look into the dental school at the University of Buffalo. Since they are a teaching facility you can get discounted services and I haven't heard anything bad things about the care. The nice lady at the other end of the phone informed me they just changed their policy and now only accept new patients in October and to call back in September for an appointment! Even then, they will only be accepted if their case is "unique" enough. That was it! I completely lost it! October??? Are you kidding me??? Don't you realize the dentist said we needed to get him started yesterday?? No, I didn't lose it on the nice lady. I just crumpled into a crying mess after I hung up the phone. The poor volunteer in the office that morning! It was the straw that broke the camels back last week. I am better this week so don't send an ambulance for me, lol!

I also am hit harder this year by my loss of friends. I have made some new ones but as the saying goes, "it takes a long time to grow an old friend." Moving is just a part of being in ministry. I have a bit of a "why bother?" attitude and so things are lonely despite a full calendar.

Then of all things.....last week when the family was all together for Thanksgiving, Thom suggests we have a Harp version of the Biggest Loser. Each month the family (couple) with the least percentage of weight loss has to pay $10.00 into the kitty. Next Thanksgiving, the family with the biggest percentage of weight lost wins the kitty. So of course being the person with the most weight to lose, I can't so no thanks to the challenge!! But now, before Christmas?? Before cookies and candy and ham?? Are you crazy?? No wonder I don't want to bake. Thom, I love ya but you are killin' me!! Of course the rest of them look fine so I think it is just a big hoax to get me on a diet. Blast those evil schemers, lol!!

Identifying the whys is good, then I can tackle them. But I am trying to move to the "what now" stage. What do I do to get beyond the humbug stage? I did try the fake it til you make it approach. Last week I put on my finest holiday clothing, socks and earrings in an attempt to at least look festive. Didn't fool anyone! So now I am trying to give it to God. No use trying to hide it, He knows it anyway. God can handle it. I am daily listing things I am grateful for and repeat them often. Today I wrote out our family Christmas letter. It was hanging over my head, adding to my grief, but just as always, it was good to write it. The letter forces me to think back over the whole year, think about the highs, lows, activities, accomplishments, etc. Time is an amazing thing for perspective. Reflecting makes you more aware of God's faithfulness through the journey. Yes, life can be hard and frustrating at times but not always. It is also filled with many joys and blessings. We are healthy, have a roof over our heads, a job, food to eat and each other. So many of those things are luxuries for many people.

Just yesterday the husband of one the ladies at church was in a head-on car accident. He has just started coming to our Saturday evening services. He is banged up but will be okay. The driver of the other car died. Just like that, one slippery road later, some family is without their loved one this Christmas. Lift them all up in prayer if you would.

Are ya still with me?? Bless your heart and bottom for sticking through my catharsis.
Keep an eye to your mailbox, a letter from us is on it's way.